dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize