I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize