She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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