Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
