Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
