I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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