Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
