I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
