Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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