My brain says no but my pants say off.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
