I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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