She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
