she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
