PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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