I just pynch a tree in the face
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
