Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
