I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
