I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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