Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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