fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
