I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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