whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
