so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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