You made me cry and you don't even care
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
