Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
