You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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