i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
