so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
