Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize