oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
