That's intense
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
