Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
