Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
