dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
