I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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