awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
