College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
