omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
