I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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