Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
