Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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