in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
