I wannas sexs uuuuu
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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