If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
