this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
