i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need moral support for this bender
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
