i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
