You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
