i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
