apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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