Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
