Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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