just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
