dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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