we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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