Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
