exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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