I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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