i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
