All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
