Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
