thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
