Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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