I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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